death of creativity

creative side of me is dying.
terutama bagian tulis menulis. aku sudah tidak lagi menulis dan menumpahkan pikiran. tentu saja writing skills jadi unpolished bahkan tidak terpakai.
critical thinking juga jadi ga kepakai. it's like having no time to reflect on anything rather than everything.
I used to be a highly reflective person.. but now I guess, I'm just a too busy person to do anything.
and I hate that kind of me.

blog ini skarang cuma punya satu pembaca juga. so.. why bother?

rasanya banyak mimpi yang tidak sempat tertuang dan terungkap.
mulai dari wedding dream of: gold-less and jewelry-less, NO plastic cutlery and other plastic eating utensils (plates/ glasses), with composting bin and everything.
what a dream. that I wish was not just a dream, but what can I say... hfff

on to my further education plan.. if only I have enough money that I can freely choose where I want to go.. unfortunately......... (fill in the blanks)

and to a dreamy living space I can call 'home' with big yard, big and shady trees, renewable energy, small but efficient spaces, waste management with composting an recycle bins, and biopori of course, a small, warm, comfy bambooey library/saung, and a wonderful view (into the wild and big yard).

all are too dreamy to be true.
and people call me idealist and perfectionist. so they may as well decide that I can never live my dream
painfully right, I'm afraid :(

but Im determined. I have to work hard to live up to my dream
dream is hope

and I hope we were dreaming the same thing